Some causes of Domestic Violence

Photo credit: diamondwoman.

 Domestic violence (also known as intimate partner violence and abuse, spousal abuse, and family violence) violence is often defined as the physical and/or psychological abuse of an intimate partner. In our understanding, however, domestic violence includes physical and sexual abuse of children within a home, as well as economic exploitation, intimidation, emotional
abuse, coercion, threats and isolation of intimate partners, and children.

Domestic violence in Nigeria, as in most other parts of the world, is not restricted to any specific culture or religion.

Although in Nigeria, it is more widely seen as merely physical violence, domestic violence and abusive behaviour range from:
Emotional/psychological abuse (such as constantly belittling the other person; constant blaming, or bringing up past sins and secrets in order to shame; treating the person as a child and constant belittling of their actions and decision-making, emotional neglect);

 Verbal abuse (such as name-calling, shouting and yelling, and insults) and physical violence;
 Controlling behaviour aimed at compelling another to comply with an abuser’s wishes. The abuser may try to control both big and small decisions taken within the home – from what meals are made and when, to whether or not the spouse can see friends or family. Such control can be exercised over conceiving a child or removal of a pregnancy. Such control can be exercised through insults, name-calling, withholding of affection, and withholding of financial support;

 Neglect – emotional and physical neglect, including refusal to provide for basic needs;
Extreme Jealousy:
Physical violence includes all kinds of hitting – slapping, pushing, shoving, and other more extreme forms of violence. Physical violence also includes sexual assault and rape, and being forced to do sexual acts that the abused would rather not (including within marital relationships); and
Sexual abuse of children in domestic situations.
The signs of abuse and violence in affected victims may vary from one person to the other, and may be displayed in various ways. These according to Newhopeforwomen include but are by no means limited to:

Jealousy
At the start of the relationship, an abuser will equate jealously with love. The abuser will question the victim about who the victim talks to, accuse the victim of flirting, or become jealous of time spent with others. The abuser may call the victim frequently during the day, drop by unexpectedly, refuse to let the victim work, check the car mileage, or ask friends to watch the victim.


Controlling behavior
In the beginning an abuser will attribute controlling behavior to concern for the victim (for example, the victim's safety or decision-making skills). As this behavior progresses the situation will worsen, and the abuser may assume all control of finances or prevent the victim from coming and going freely.


Quick involvement
A victim often has known or dated the abuser for a brief period of time before getting engaged or living together. The abuser will pressure the victim to commit to the relationship. A victim may be made to feel guilty for wanting to slow the pace or end the relationship.


Unrealistic expectations
An abuser expects the victim to meet all of the abuser's needs, to take care of everything emotionally and domestically.


Isolation
An abuser will attempt to isolate the victim by severing the victim's ties to outside support and resources. The batterer will accuse the victim's friends and family of being "trouble makers." The abuser may block the victim's access to use of a vehicle, work, or telephone service in the home.


Blames others for problems
An abuser will blame others for all problems or for the abuser's own shortcomings. Someone is always out to get the abuser or is an obstacle to the abuser's achievements. The victim or potential victim will be blamed for almost anything.


Blames others for feelings
An abuser will use feelings to manipulate the victim. Common phrases to look for: "You're hurting me by not doing what I want." "You control how I feel."


Hypersensitivity
An abusive person is easily insulted, perceiving the slightest setbacks as personal attacks.


Cruelty to animals or children
This is a person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain. The abuser may expect children to perform beyond their capability (for example whipping a two-year-old for wetting a diaper or teasing children or siblings until they cry)."


Playful" use of force in sex
This behavior includes restraining partners against their will during sex, acting out fantasies in which the partner is helpless, initiating sex when the partner is asleep, or demanding sex when the partner is ill or tired. The abuser may show little concern for his partner's wishes and will use sulking and anger to manipulate compliance.


Verbal abuse
This behavior involves saying things that are intended to be cruel and hurtful, cursing or degrading the victim, or putting down the victim's accomplishments.


Rigid sex roles
The victim, almost always a woman, will be expected to serve. For instance, a male abuser will see women as inferior to men, responsible for menial tasks, stupid, and unable to be a whole person without a relationship.


Dual personality "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde"
Explosive behavior and moodiness, which can shift quickly to congeniality, are typical of people who beat their partners.


Past battering
An abuser will beat any partner if the individual is involved with the abuser long enough for the cycle of abuse to begin. Circumstances do not make a person an abusive personality.


Threats of violence
This consists of any threat of physical force meant to control the partner. Most people do not threaten their mates but an abuser will excuse this behavior by claiming "everyone talks like that."


Breaking or striking objects
This behavior is used as punishment (breaking sentimental possessions) or to terrorize the victim into submission.


Any force during an argument
This may involve an abuser holding down his the victim, physically restraining the victim from leaving, or pushing or shoving. Holding someone back in order to make demands, such as "You will listen to me!" is also a show of force.